Bloggy Makeover!

I have the BEST. FRIEND. IN. THE. WORLD!.  Yay Brianna Seely....she made my blog much more about me and my kids than stinking pink birdies =)   I love it.  You should comment on this and let her know you love it too! 

It's just about ME for once

Today is all about me.  Why?  Because this is my blog and if I want it to be about me, I can.  So there.

I ran my first 5K yesterday.  Insane, I know.  I never in a million years thought I could.  But I did it.  My goal was to finish in less than 45 minutes, and I did!!  it was 40:25 I think.  20-something at any rate.  It was 25 degrees, snow flurries, wind and did I mention it was COLD?  It was COLD.  But I did it.  And I'm going to do it again, although its gonna have to be warmer.  I'm thinking springtime.  Maybe summer.  When I take the next cruise.  Just warmer.  There has to be a bathing suit 5k somewhere right?

Here are some pictures from the race.

The mountains are gone!!!

Sometimes you have to watch what you say...

The other day, Rachel comes out of the bathroom and tells Taylor and I, "Next time I wear layers, make sure to remind me not to wear these underwear".  Well Taylor and I start laughing and Timmy who was, to our knowledge, not paying a LICK of attention to anything pipes up with, "no one wants to see your underwear!".  Laughs all around as Rachel replies back, "I had to show mommy and Taylor, no one sees my underwear except Mr. Tim.  He wears it on his head!" More laughter.  Fast forward to the next day.  I am in the bathroom, getting ready to go *somewhere.  And I get this amazing amazing video.  I had to ask him to repeat it because I was laughing so hard the first time he told me.  Oh Timmy...my never ending source of entertainment!

Attacking Cans

Oh Tuna.  Even when we are trying to help Sissy go to bed, it turns into a comedy. 

We put Syd in her bed, and were getting her feeding tube all situated.  He dropped a can on his foot, and the following is the transcript:

Timmy: OW OW OW OW owowowowowowowwow!! Stupid can!
Me: you are fine Timmy.  Shake it off.
Timmy: NO!  OW OW OW!
Me: Well, tell that can, that its not nice to fall on your foot.
Timmy: (picking up the can) How do you like this can? (throws it across the room) Who's the kid now?  Huh?
Me: You tell that can Timmy!
Timmy: (picking up can) Seee, I'm gonna punch you in the face you can!
Me: Hmmm, ok, thats enough beating the can, plus I need it now. 

He was seriously SO mad at the can.  He sure let it know who was boss.

Tape is for BOXES....

The other day Taylor and I were downstairs, probably watching Jersey Shore.  Timmy was working my last nerve so I told him to go color a picture upstairs for Dad.  Off he went to scribble on paper and glue shit together. 

After about 10 minutes, I could hear him pulling a piece of tape off the roll of packing tape that I use for Dave's boxes.  "TIMMMMMMY!  LEAVE THE TAPE ALONEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"  "Ok mom" 

Now, most moms would go upstairs to check out what was being taped, but not me.  I knew that there was about 80 bazillion packs of construction paper and some APO/FPO boxes on the table so he *had to be taping, or trying to tape, one of those things.  Yeah, not so much.  He was taping this...

Yes, that is an egg.  He cracked it into the sink and tried to tape the shell back together.  Sigh...what could I do?  I laughed and told him not to play with eggs anymore lol.

Here is what he made with glue and scissors and tape and markers and crayons...

I drew the stars for something else and he used my leftovers.  Its a work of art I tell you!

The Gas We Pass

Tonight, Taylor and I decided to get Scream 4 from the Redbox and have a movie night. 

Timmy asked to watch and I said ok.  Now, hindsight being what it is and all, this was a terrible idea.  It started out fine enough.  He laughed when he was supposed to laugh and flinched when he needed to flinch.  About 30 minutes into the movie, he had his hand over his eyes.  I kept asking him if he was scared, he kept saying no.  I finally asked if he was just a little scared and he said yes.  He then refused to watch Spongebob upstairs alone lol.  Yeah, pretty sure, Scream was a bad idea. 

So anyhow, I got him to agree to go in my room to watch cartoons, we found Dora on TV and I tucked him into Dave's side of the bed.  He was getting all nice and comfy and he farted.  He looked at me, and I looked at him and said "Did you just fart?" and he was so proud of himself "Yupppp", and he farted again.  "Timmy!! Don't fart in my bed!!" 

  He looks at me, plain as day, and says "It doesn't matter, Dad isn't home.  He will never know". 

Sorry kiddo, I just ratted you out.  =) I swear, this kid, I don't know what to do with him lol.

Happy Birthday Nikolas

Wow, 13.  I can't believe my very first baby is 13.  So I'm gonna get mooshy for a bit...

Nikolas--each year, as you get older, I sit here and try to write you something profound, something that will let you know how much we love you.  I can't ever find the right words.  I'm gonna attempt it again today, so lets see how this turns out. 


You have been thru more in your life than most adults have.  Since you were born we have had 8 different addresses, lived in 5 different states, 6 different duty stations, added a sister and a brother, lost grandparents and great grandparents, sent your dad off to war 3 times, made best friends, lost touch with best friends, made new best friends, find girlfriends, met your future wife (oh yes, that JoCullough thing *IS happening)...and so much more.  And you do it all without complaining...well mostly without complaining.  You are a loving and caring and protective big brother, one that Sydney and Timmy can look up too.  Not only cause you are taller than them either!  We may not always tell you what a good kid you are, but I honestly don't know what I'd do without you kiddo.  You are my right hand man.  And my friend.  We love you Nikolas Adam.  Here's to an awesome year as a teenager <3

You're just too good to be true, can't take my eyes off you

You'd be like heaven to touch, I wanna hold you so much

At long last love has arrived and I thank God I'm alive

You're just too good to be true, can't take my eyes off you

Pardon the way that I stare, there's nothing else to compare

The sight of you leaves me weak, there are no words left to speak

but if you feel like I feel, please let me know that its real

You're just too good to be true, can't take my eyes off you

Happy Birthday Nikolas.  We love you.

Love, Mom and Dad

Bathtime Conversation

Timmy was in the tub yesterday and there are no words to describe this conversation.

Timmy: Mom, I have 2 balls (reaches down to grab them)  One here (pinch) and One here (pinch) I can feel them.
Me: oh yeah?  2 balls?
Timmy: yeah, I wonder why I don't like Jell-O?
Me: what?
Timmy: I wonder why I don't like Jell-O?
Me: This is the most random conversation ever.
Timmy: (grinning) I know.


Seriously, Jell-O and balls?  I swear...this is gonna be a LONG year.

Trying to keep it in perspective

I read this today and it made me cry.  And it made me laugh.  I figured I should share...


How God Chooses A Mom For A Disabled Child

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures, and a couple by habit. This year nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen?

Somehow I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to make notes in a giant ledger.
"Armstrong, Beth; son; patron saint, Matthew."
"Forrest, Marjorie; daughter; patron saint, Cecelia."
"Rudledge, Carrie; twins; patron saint...give her Gerard. Hes used to profanity."

Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a handicapped child." The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? Shes so happy." "Exactly," smiles God. " Could I give a handicapped child a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."
"But has she patience?" asks the angel.
"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle it. I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence. She'll have to teach the child to live in her world and that's not going to be easy."
"But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."
God smiles. "No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness."
The angel gasps. "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"
God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, there is a woman I will bless with a child less than perfect. SHE DOESN'T REALIZE IT YET , BUT SHE IS TO BE ENVIED. SHE WILL NEVER TAKE FOR GRANTED A 'SPOKEN WORD'. SHE WILL NEVER CONSIDER A 'STEP' ORDINARY. WHEN HER CHILD SAYS 'MOMMA' FOR THE FIRST TIME, SHE WILL BE PRESENT AT A MIRACLE AND KNOW IT! WHEN SHE DESCRIBES A TREE OR A SUNSET TO HER BLIND CHILD, SHE WILL SEE IT AS FEW PEOPLE EVER SEE MY CREATIONS. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see---ignorance, cruelty, prejudice---and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute or everyday of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."
"And what about her patron saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in midair.
God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."

To all the mommies with special kids, I love you <3

Color of the Day

Timmy has Color days at school.  So one day he'll have to wear a red shirt, the next day he has to bring a red item, so on and so forth.  The following conversation just took place:

Me: oooh we have to check what color day is today!
Timmy: Its blue day!
Me: I don't think so, I think it may be yellow day.
Timmy: BLUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE DAY!
Me:  (looking at the calender) yup bring AND wear something yellow! You can wear your yellow shirt and bring your yellow Angry Bird.
Timmy: I don't like yellow day.  I don't want to wear yellow.  I want to wear nothing.  I want NAKED DAY!
Me: Ohhh so naked is a color is it?  Naked day....sounds interesting.
Timmy: Yeah, Naked day...that would be EPIC!!!

:::shaking my head::::: I swear, I don't know what to do with this kid.

All About Sydney...

Today I feel like my life was brought around full circle.  I have quite a few things I need to blather about and this is my blog, so I am doing it here, and you will read it, or you won't, and maybe just maybe, it can help you or someone you know.

In July of 2000, when I found out I was pregnant with Sydney, our lives changed so dramatically.  Not only were we adding another mouth to feed to our little family, but then I was sick and that itself brought so many issues.  I felt sick from jump.  Not morning-sickness sick but tired, exhausted really, having to take naps ALL day.  (Not so simple where you are raising a 2 year old boy and babysitting a 4 year old precocious girl).  I would complain to my doctor every month that I was tiiiiiiiiiiired, more tired than should be humanly possible.  No appetite, jaundiced, sickly looking, tiiiiiired and tiiiiiiiired. "You have a 2 year old boy, that's normal" they would say.  It wasn't.  Not normal at all.

I went for the big ultrasound in November, just before Thanksgiving if I remember correctly.  It the the day we were going to see our Sydney.  We *knew she was a girl, there was NEVER any other option in my mind.  Sydney, I just needed to see Sydney.  I remember lying on that table and the tech not saying much and when she did, it was like a bomb dropped. "You see this?  This isn't supposed to be here, and your baby isn't moving.  Go to the cafeteria and drink a Coke and come back at 1 and talk to the doctor".  Panic! What?  Something wrong with *my baby?  That only happens to *other people.  Not me.  So we did as we were told.  Awkward silence at the table at Tripler AMC.  This can't be happening, this can't be happening.

We went back up to talk to the doctor.  More ultrasound..."Hey!  Your baby briefly opened the legs...its a girl!" See...Sydney, I told you.  "Butttttttt, this dark line in her chest cavity isn't supposed to be here.  You need to come back on Friday so we can check it again.  And you're going to need an amniocentesis.  I think your baby has a CMV infection.  You're probably going to need to talk with the chaplain and make arrangements.  85% of kids born with CMV don't live til their first birthday and of that remaining 15%, 75% of those kids die by 5." Breath. "She's probably be born blind, deaf, CP, seizures, maybe Down's Syndrome, or Turner's Syndrome, it may not be all of those things but probably most of them.  You'll probably have to have her early.  Possibly by Christmas (even though she isn't due until the end of March) You should probably call your families.  Thanks, see ya Friday"  Wait what?  This is the happiest day, I'm having a girl, and I get princess crowns and ballet and make up and boys and shopping, and you are telling me my baby is gonna die?  What. The. FUCK?!?!

We drove back home, down H1 toward Mililani, and I tried to call my mom from the cell phone and couldn't do it.  My sole job was to be a wife and a mom and I was failing. I called my sister, who is the best researcher in the world.  "Donna, I need to know whats going to happen" and bless her heart, she looked.  And looked.  And looked.  And nothing.  Ever.  Bits and pieces here and there.  No one knew what I was talking about.  No one thought anything of it.

And you know how this story ends (or continues...) Sydney was born in February 2001, came home after 10 days in the hospital.  She's the perfect fit for our family.  She's quiet and doesn't talk back (cause she's deaf), she doesn't get into her brother things too often (she has CP and doesn't walk), she sometimes spends time in the hospital to get away from her brothers (seizures and feeding issues), but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I said at the start of this blog, that my life came full circle today.  I was combing the Sunday paper for coupons for Rachel today.  I pulled out the Parade magazine, like I do every week.  I flipped through, like every week.  And I stopped.  Because on page 15 was Janelle Greenlee...Health Hero.  My story is her story.  My life is her life.  My Sydney is her baby.  Read the article here!  Janelle is the CEO of STOP CMV, an organization dedicated to preventing the CMV infection in pregnant women.  You can find her website at STOP CMV.  Finally.  A place where I can find other moms and dads who have been or are being affected by CMV.  I can find children who are like Sydney.  I can find siblings like Nik and Timmy who have handicapped brothers and sisters.  I can share my experience.  I can reassure another scared mom that it will be ok.  It won't be normal, but you'll learn to redefine normal.

Full circle...my heart is happy. Check out Janelle's website or Like her on Facebook or both.  Support her.  Support me.  Support Sydney and the kids like her.  And thanks for reading.

First Day of....

Today was it...literally the first day of the rest of Timmy's life.  The first day of actual school...not play school, or anything like that...school.  Every day for the next 17 years of his life (if we count college...or time served, whatevs) he is going to go to school.  Wow, thats making me a little weepy. His teacher, Mrs. Fox, left present for all the parents on the kids desks.  There was a tissue and a cookie and a note. I was fine leaving him at school until I read the note...

The First Day

I gave you a little wink and a smile

As you entered my room today.

For I know how hard it is to leave

And know your child must stay.

You've been with him for four years now

And have been a loving guide.

But now, alas, the time has come

To leave him at my side.

Just know that as you drive away

And tears down your cheeks may flow,

I'll love him as I would my own

And help him learn and grow.

For as a parent, I too know

How quickly the years do pass.

For it, too,has been my turn

To take my child to class.

So please put your mind at ease

And cry those tears no more.

For I will love him and take him in

When you leave him at my door.

Great, now I am crying again.  Thats above and beyond...his teacher didn't need to give ME a gift.  Hell, I should give HER a gift.  Haaaaaaaaaaaave you met Timmy?  Hahaha.  

So this afternoon, I get to hug my little boy on the first day of the rest of his life.  And I guess come to the realization that he is growing up.  And I have one year to find a job!  ;-)

Here are the first day pics of my kiddos...

 

Napoleon? Is that you?

As I sit here this morning, hanging up my mountain of clothes (yes Melissa Mocello...I broke the rules and did laundry today), I am listening to the sounds of Timmy and Nik fighting.  This is NOT an uncommon occurrence.  It usually involves Nikolas yelling STOP and Timmy screams, then Nik says SHUT UP then Timmy screams louder and rinse, lather, repeat.  This is the daily story of my life. 

So imagine my surprise this am when Timmy fought back.

Nik and Timmy: blah blah blah, pick pick pick, fight fight fight...
Nik : SHUT UP TIMMY!!!
Timmy: NO!
Nik: TIMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYY SHUT UPPPPPP!!!!
Timmy: You mom makes you shut up...
Nik: Ok thats it....you are DEAD!
Timmy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH
Nik and Timmy: run run run, stomp stomp stomp, crash
Timmy: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
Me: Hey!! Go to your rooms...NOW! And no more talking for the rest of the day!
Me: (downstairs by the laundry pile) hahahahahahaha your mom makes you shut up

Too much Napoleon Dynamite in my life...NAHHHHHH....

Birds and the Bees

Dear Laura,

You have GOT to tell Nikolas to stop watching cartoons that aren't entirely appropriate for Timothy.  If you don't you'll regret it....

Love, Laura

Timmy just came down, super excited!


Timmy: MOM! Mom! Guess what?
Me: What buddy?
Timmy: I know how babies get borned!
Me: uhh....you do?
Timmy: yeah!  you lay on the table and put something on your feet and then they reach up your butt and pull the baby out.
Me: really?
Timmy: Yup.  Thats how they do it.  Just reach up and pull the baby out of your butt.
Me: where did you learn that?  On TV?
Timmy: yeah
Me: what show are you watching?
Timmy: South Park.

Sigh...Must. Block. South. Park.

Taylor's mind lives in the gutter....

This is me and Taylor...pretty typical <3

So as some of you may or may not know, my niece Taylor practically spends all her waking moments at my house.  Except on the rare occassion she goes out to lunch or something with a friend.  So about a week or so ago, she was meeting up with a friend for dinner.  I guess they went shopping at afterward at Borders.  And Taylor texted me this gem:

She saw this book at the book store and the accompanying text read : Really?  Really really? Hahahahahahah.  And I gotta admit, that Ms. Weiner should have probably chosen a different name for her book...just sayin'...

Bedtime Conversation

Oh Dave, Brad, Davis, Teddy...you guys are gonna love this...

I tell Timmy, its time to go to bed, in his bed.  No getting up, no coming downstairs...BED.  So I was picking up some toys and putting his pillow case on and I turn around and he is laying naked on the floor....well with his pants around his ankles.  So I look at him and...

me: are you ready for your diaper?
Timmy: yeah.  My penis is sad.
Me: What?
Timmy: my penis is sad.
Me: why do you say that?
Timmy: cause its pointing down.  Its sad I have to go to bed.  In the morning its up, cause its happy I am awake.
Me: Oh really...
Timmy: yeah.  Its just sad.  See?

 I swear to you, I was DYING.  Seriously, what kid his age understands that much about morning wood?  Sigh.  What am I gonna do with this kid???

No one likes you...

My blog today is about an event yesterday that was a pretty good life lesson and unintentionally hilarious all at the same time.  I think I might have scarred my kids for life...one in a good way and the other...not so much lol.

Yesterday, after Katie got here, we went to Safeway to get a few things for dinner.  There was a homeless lady sitting outside, near the library book return.  Trying to be in the shade, but it wasn't really working and it was HOT yesterday.  So I decided to teach my kids a lesson in giving to the less fortunate.

We got the couple things I needed for dinner then wandered around for a few to pick up things for this lady.  Nikolas thought it was just stuff for our trip on Sunday.  We grabbed a tuna fish lunch kit with crackers, an apple, a resealable bag of chips and a bottle of water.  I put those items in a separate bag from my other items.  When we were talking out, I handed Nik the bag and said go give this to the lady sitting by the book return.  He went over, handed her the bag and she kept saying "No, no, are you sure?" and Nik said "My mom bought it for you, just take it" so she gave us a wave and we continued across the parking lot to the car.

(So that was the scarring Nikolas part...I think I scarred him in a good way...I think he really understood the message I was showing him.)

So we get to the car, Katie was putting Sissy in, I was buckling Timmy then gonna take the cart to the cart corral thingy...

Nik: Mom that lady was so happy.  That was really nice.
Me (to Katie as I buckle Timmy): Ya know, not everyone likes tuna, but sometimes, beggars can't be choosers...
Katie: exactly! It was still nice...
Me: :::shutting the door and turning to take the cart back:::
Timmy: (in a little tiny sad voice) Nobody likes me?
Katie:  Oh no!!
Me: ::racing to reopen the door:: No no no, buddy, not everyone likes tunnnnnnnnnnnnnnna
Katie: tuna fish...the food...the food!
Me: Oh my god! No honey, everyone loves you.
Timmy: ok
Me: :::returning the cart and then getting back in the car::::
Katie: Really? hahahahahha You are so going to hell...

So yeah, poor Timmy.  "Not everybody likes tuna..." Sigh.  I guess I need to choose my words more carefully next time. I think he may be scarred for life.  He was so mortified at the thought that not EVERYONE liked him lol.  My poor kiddo.  He rebounded pretty quick, but that was a definitely a lesson for me lol.

A Little July 4 conversation...

Let me start by saying that I hope everyone had a magical 4th!  Its one of my favorite holidays, not just because its the anniversary of the day I met my hubby, but because I love everything it stands for.

I spent the day with my family...the kiddies, Taylor, Rachel, Colleen and Woody.  It was laid back, with more food than necessary and we stayed up way too late chatting outside. All in all, it was a fantastic day.

But, I know the real reason you came here...you wanna know what gem came out of the mouth of my child.  And I won't disappoint.  Yesterday AM, I was doing a little prep work in the kitchen with Timmy.  He was sitting on the counter while I made kool aid and pasta salad.  He is telling me a story about "his friends" aka the annoying kids down the block.

Timmy: ...then my friend, the boy, said we were gonna get be-rested.
Me: really?  be-rested?
Timmy: yup, he brought out some be-resting tools and said the cops would come and we would get be-rested.
Me: well, I'm pretty sure no one has ever gotten A-rrested cause they argued with their friends
Timmy: yeah!  the cops would come and take you to jail... (note to self: stop telling Timmy if he misbehaves in the car the cops will pull me over and arrest me and take me to jail and he'll have to wipe his own butt)
Me: I promise that won't happen Timmy.
Timmy: Mom, can people be-scape from jail? (this is where it gets interesting)
Me: Absolutely.  people escape from jail all the time...
Timmy: How? (I think perhaps he wanted tips for the future...)
Me: Wellllll, just say you got arrested and went to jail, and we wanted to help you escape...well then Nicky would do something to get sent to jail but first he would find the blueprints on how the jail was built and get them tattooed all over his body.  Then you would have a map that leads you right to safety.  Then of course you would have to go live far away, like Panama or something, so that the cops can't find you.  And your friends that broke out of jail with you would try to help you stay away from the cops but sometimes they will get caught and might tell on you.  Your girlfriend, who was a doctor in the prison, will follow you all around, cause she really loves you.  And eventually the cops will be on your side and you and your girlfriend will get married and live on a boat.
Timmy: Cops have boats mom....
Me: yeah but your boat will be faster...

I'll give you 10 bonus points for knowing where I came up with *that story to tell Timmy...

Oh yes, I spouted off the plotline to Prison Break.  I'm probably gonna win some kind of award for that....

Timmy and Taylor...

a transcript of the conversation that just took place between Taylor and Timmy...

Timmy: I'm gonna punch you in your baby!
Taylor: thats not nice!!!
Timmy: Farty Fart!
Taylor: what?!?
Timmy: you should name your baby that
Taylor: My. Baby.  Farty Fart Lanthier?
Timmy:  Bwahahahahaha yes
 Taylor: let's go to Rachel's
Timmy: Seriously?!?! I'm gonna punch you in your baby!
Taylor: I'm gonna crash the car and kill you.
Me: :::crying:::: Bwahahahahahahahahahaha

My new great niece or nephew...Farty Fart Lanthier, ladies and gents...<3 Watch out world...this kid is gonna rule the world!

Father's Day, Schmathers Day

Ya know, Father's Day is kinda pointless...this year anyhow.  My husband is gone off to be a dad to his soldiers and my own dad passed away years ago.  All my friends, who are dads themselves and are like dads to my kids are gone too.  So I am boycotting this year. Booooo on Fathers Day.

I am the dad this year.  Someone buy me a Fathers Day card.  After all, isn't it the dads job to teach the sons about penises?  Oh no, that's right, its my job.  The dad is supposed to teach the son about kissing girls, oh no, me again.

But then again, I can't be the one who after a long day at work, lays on the floor and lets the kids use me as a jungle gym.  And I'm not the one who comes home after work and has to find the kids hiding in the coat closet by singing "I like bread and butter, I like toast and jam..." and listening for the giggles.  I don't teach rock climbing.  I don't take pictures and develop them myself.  I don't help other countries learn to help themselves.  And I don't help everyone else before myself...ok, wait, I totally do *that lol.

So maybe I won't boycott.  April taught me "Don't hate, participate"...so I will.  Happy Fathers Day to my Dad, to my husband, to my friends.  And Happy Father's Day to my girlfriends... Taylor, Brianna, Brandi, Amy, Tam, Tina, Jana, Renee, Brittany, Beth, Shelley, Danielle...to all of you who hold it down for the kids while their dads away.  Happy Father's Day to my sister who was a dad and a mom to my favorite Katie.  Happy Father's Day to Rachel who is ABSOLUTELY not only my kids second mom, but also their dad too!  Happy Father's Day to my MIL who raised the BEST dad a girl could want as her baby daddy. <3  And happy Fathers Day to my mom who continues to show us all the ways our own dad shaped us.

I guess Father's Day isn't so bad afterall...

Happy Father's Day to my very own G.I. Jo <3

Timmy and the P word

As I have posted previously in this post, Timmy has become obsessed with the "P" word.  We talk about penises at least twice a day.  Sigh, I am hoping this ends soon as "MOM WANNA SEE MY PENIS" is not appropriate conversation for the pool, the dinner table, the grocery store...pretty much anywhere.

But today, today I got this gem...

Timmy: Mom, do I have a penis?
Me: Yes Timmy, but you already know that.
Timmy: Does Uncle Joe have a penis?
Me: yes Timmy, all boys have penises
Timmy: I don't think he knows
Me: who doesn't know what?
Timmy: Uncle Joe.  I don't think he knows he has a penis
Me: Uhhh I'm pretty sure he does.

Seriously?!? Sigh...this kid is slowly killing me.  Each day.  One little remark at a time.  I can hear my hair getting grey.

So after he was distracted by legos and cartoon for about 5 minutes, he comes into the bathroom where I was getting ready to head out.

Timmy: :::singing to himself:::: I drank a 12 pack of beer with my dad....
Me: :::watching in the mirror SHOCKED::::
Timmy: ::Still singing:::: Beer beer beer beer beer beer.  I don't remember how much a drank...
Me: TIMMY!  Where did you learn that song???
Timmy: On your computer mom
Me: NIKOLAS ADAM JOHANSSON!!!!!!

My 4 year old... ladies and gents..."I drank a 12 pack of beer with my dad...." Its sooo funny, and so inappropriate at the same time.  I managed to not laugh until I texted Tim A. to tell him.  I figured he, of all people, would appreciate it. 

And in our last bit of news, Puppy has run away.  We last saw him last Friday the 10th? in our van and he is NO WHERE to be found.  We looked in the usual hiding spots, but all we can figure is that he fell out of the van somewhere and is gone.  I have looked high and low for a replacement puppy with no luck.  So today, the mail comes and Timmy comes in with a package

Timmy: MOM!  Its a package for me!  It has the letter T on it!
Me: Ok let me check

And sure enough, it was a package from Grandma addressed to Timmy Johansson (good reading skills Timmy!).  Inside was a new puppy and some "puppy food" aka candy, fruit snacks and animal crackers.  Timmy named his new doggie Spartacus, after the husky that Taylor was dog sitting.  He is really happy with his new puppy.

Spartacus is my best friend....

And on that note, I am going to bed...good night.  And a very good morning to my desert friends...Happy Fathers Day guys!  We miss you!

I kid you not...

Really?  Really really?

Me: Timmy, where is your brother, tell him to come down here
Timmy: He can't.  He's taking a dump.
Me: :::looks at Rachel::::
Rachel:  :::wide eyes:::: hahahahahaha
Me: :::snort::::: Bwahahahahaha

Yes, this just really took place at my house.  Sigh.  I'm running away.

Time to discuss the news with Nikolas

Yesterday afternoon, I was watching the Today Show I had TiVo'd in the morning (it was Meredith's last day and I wanted to see lol).  So I was fast forwarding through parts, one being the news headlines segment and Nikolas was like "Why do you keep fast forwarding?", so I stopped and watched.  Bad idea.  This is the conversation that took place...

Ann Curry:  blah blah blah Anthony Weiner...
Nik: WEINER! HAHAHAHAH
Me: :::innocent face:::: whats so funny about that?
Nik: His. Name. Is. Weiner.
Me: And?
Nik: His name is Weiner and he was sending pictures of his weiner on Twitter!
Me: :::trying to keep a straight face::::
Nik: Weiner.  Hahahaha...Weiner.  I wonder what his mom and dad's names are?
Me: His mom?  her name is Anita...
Nik: Anita.  Anita Weiner.  OH MY GOD!  Bwahahaha
Me: I think they said his dad's name is Harry...
Nik: Harry Weiner! :::tears pouring out of his eyes::::
Me: I was kidding...
Nik: Anita and Harry Weiner....
Me: :::laughing:::
Nik: Really?
Me: NO!  I was kidding...I said that.
Nik: that would be AWESOME if it was true.

So let's all hope this Anthony Weiner stuff goes away...I am tired of Weiner ;-)

Yup its time to discuss private parts

I have 2 posts for today...since as it was pointed out to me, I have been seriously slacking in the blog department.  (Ahem, Maggie...)  So let's jump in shall weeeeeeeeee...

Last night, after our fun day at the Spalsh Pad, Timmy and Sissy needed baths.  So Timmy got in, bathed, let the water out, then I put Syd in.  Timmy comes running in, please please please can I get back in the tub.  Ok, whatever dude...  The following conversation took place.

Me: Timmy keep your hands to your self (he was trying to wash Sydneys tummy)
Timmy:Why?
Me: Cause you aren't aloowed to touch girls until you are married.
Timmy: I am married.
Me: Oh reallllllllllly? To who?
Timmy: Maddie.
Me: Oh yeah?
Timmy: yes, so I can touch her.
Me: I'm pretty sure Mr. Tony will chop off your fingers but ok...
Timmy: Mom, where is Sissy's penis? (yes he said penis, not e e)
Me: :::wide eyes::: What?
Timmy: Sissys penis.  Where. Is. It?
Me: well, girls privates are on the inside and boys are on the outside.
Timmy: here is MY penis!
Me: yes, yes, that is your penis
Timmy: oh.  Where is Sissy's brain?
Me: ::eye roll:: in her head silly
Timmy: where is my brain?

And I couldn't answer...I wanted to point to his penis and say "in there, like every other man on the planet" but I didn't. I eventually composed myself and said "inside that big ole head of yours!"

And the whole time, Nik is standing outside the bathroom door cracking up.  Way to help out there Nikolas!  Sigh...is this a sign of my future?  Penis conversations with Timmy? Its times like last night that I wish Sydney could talk...I would have loved to know what she was thinking lol

Hope everyone has a magical day....

heartbreaking kinda moment

Its hard to explain the grown up world to kids.  "You can just buy it on your credit card mom!" is the refrain I hear from my kids when I say "Mommy has no money".  Its so foreign, these grown up concepts. 

So how do you stop your heart from breaking when your kid wakes up in the morning and says "Only X more sleeps until Daddy goes to fight the bad guys!!!"?  They don't see the dangers that we see. They don't feel the same worry.  They just see black and white...my daddy goes away all the time and now he is going to fight the bad guys.  He doesn't know that the bad guys fight back.  Just that Daddy is a superhero that fights the bad guys. 

If only the world was that simple...

I'll be back in a few days with more, I'm sure.  And to all the Superhero Daddies....we love you.

Oh its coming...

At our house, the signal for "beat up Dad time" is Dave laying on the floor on his stomach.  Timmy picked up the signal just now and was jumping on Dave's back.  As he sits there he looks at Dave and says:

Timmy:There is a slap right behind you
Dave: What?
Timmy: there is a slap right behind you, look.
Dave: :::turns head:::::
Timmy: :::smack!:::::
Timmy: I told you it was coming....
Me: OMG bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
Dave: :::shaking his head laughing::::

What are we gonna do with this kid?

Oh coupons....

Have you seen that show Extreme Couponers or whatever its called? These crazy people who dig through recycling bins for coupons or who buy 227 boxes of pasta just cause they are getting it free. 

Well, I want to be one of those people.  Not the dumpster diving, 400 bottles of shampoo people, but I wanna get the most amount of things for the least amount of money.  Who doesn't want to do that?  So I've tried.  I've posted some pictures on FB of deals I have gotten.  I've been branching out to other stores like Walgreens and today, Walmart.

And what's awesome is that Timmy seems to have picked up the coupon hunt.  He sees a coupon and runs to me...MOMMY!  I FOUND A COUPON! or Mom can we buy some fruit snacks? Do you have a coupon for that?

Yesterday he took a dollar bill out of my car.  He came inside and was telling Dave all about how he got candy and we were gonna go to the movies and so on and so on.  The conversation then continued as follows:

Dave: Did you buy me anything?
Timmy: NO!
Dave: why not?  When I go somewhere I always have to buy you something.  That's not fair.
Timmy: I have one dollar.  I'll buy you something at Walmart tomorrow.
Dave: like what?
Timmy: I don't know.  Can I have that dollar so I can have 2 dollars.  I'll buy you three things with my 2 dollars.
Dave: OK, three things? What are you gonna get?
Timmy: Sprite and Megamind.
Me: We can't get Megamind for 2 bucks dude...
Timmy: Dad can I have that other dollar.
Dave: No, I need that for my diet coke.
Timmy: Well I'll buy you diet coke.
Me: How bout if Timmy goes to Walmart and gets 3 things for 2 dollars then Dad owes Timmy one dollar.
Timmy: YEAH!
Dave: ok...deal

So this morning, the kids and I head out to Walmart.  Timmy said we needed to bring along my coupons and he needed to buy Dad some Sprite. So we looked around.  We looked through my coupons, we compared prices, we picked things up and put them back.  We bargain hunted.  And in the end....Timmy wins!

Timmy's first coupon purchase

Timmy got a 2 liter of Sprite (Walmart brand), 2 Scotch Brite sponges, Revlon nail clippers, and the bag of chips.  (there were actually 3 bags of chips, but he and his brother each ate one).  And how much did he spend...2 bucks! And if we subtract the 60 cents for the chips that he and Nik ate, he only spent 1.40!!!!  Timmy won the bet, dontcha think?

So proud of my kiddo.  The cashier was pretty surprised too.  Timmy was so excited in the cart, handing her his $2.00.  So just think people, if a 4 year old can coupon, you can too!!!!

Laura's Adventures at The Gym

Ok, so yes this is supposed to be a blog about my kids, and yes this post has absolutely NOTHING to do with them, but its important dangit...and it needs to be said.

Let me see, where to start...hmmm...  I am a member of 24 Hour Fitness.  I like to pretend I go to the gym on a semi-regular basis, but let's face it, that's a lie.  There was a point when I did go ALL the time, but sometimes, life just gets in the way (aka I am lazy and like to watch TV).  And let's be realistic, I like food.  I like my weekend-midnight-Teddy-needs-McDonalds-after-poker food binges. I am trying to change that habit...its a slow process, but I am getting there. I go to the gym for usually about an hour or so at a time.  Here's the part where I could say that I try to go 5 days a week, but that's only been since Monday, and I skipped last night after I had a meltdown over not being able to find my earbuds.  Anywhoooo, tangent over. 

While I was at the gym today, I was noticing all the action going on around me.  I notice it every time actually.  But today I was able to take pictures.  So now, I would like to present you with "Laura's List of Gym People"


1.In case this isn't clear, the gym is where people go to WORK OUT.  Its not a fashion show, its not a dating service, its not a place to go hang out.  Therefore, Girl-in-Spandex-With-The-BIG-Hoop-Earrings-and-The -Face-Full-of-Makeup, you aren't fooling anyone.  We ALL know you came to the gym to sit on the floor by the basketball court and watch boys.  More power to ya. But PLEASE.  You aren't cute.  The boys are most likely married and trying to hold onto their youth by playing pick up basketball.  So let's cut the crap and actually use the gym for its intended purpose. Kthanks!

2. When you are using a treadmill/elliptical/stair climber/rowing machine/exercise bike, there is a such thing as space.  For example:
  

 

 This is part of the row of Elliptical machines I was on...can you see that there are 7 empty ones next to me? I pick a machine far away from other people.  I don't want to converse.  I don't want to be nice.  I want to get my Elliptical on and rock out to my music. So with that being said, it is NOT polite to get on the machine next to me Mr. Sweaty Fat Guy.

There are at least 4 machines between him and the girl back there in the orange.  Really?  What part of my body language says "Hi!  Come work out with me!!".  I have earphones on.  A magazine. And a WEDDING BAND tattooed on my ring finger.  I don't want to talk to you.  Stop trying to engage me in conversation.  I don't think its impressive if you run really fast for 4 minutes then I can hear your out of shape ass moaning over the dulcet tones of Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg.  Pick one of those other empty machines and leave an empty between us.  I get that sometimes you can't do that, but at 2 in the afternoon, you can.  So back up.

3. When you come to the gym, wear gym clothes please...

Yellow button down, khaki pants and a leather belt...NOT gym wear.  I'm not saying you have to have a sleeveless shirt from Ed Hardy on, but wear appropriate clothes please.

4. And on that note, this dude...

Really?  Jeans? and a beanie? Really?  K, lemme break it down for you.  If you came to the gym to try to pick up a girl...its 2 in the afternoon, the only girls there are moms trying to get their gym on before the kids get home or grandmas fitting in a work out before the Early bird dinner special or bingo.  And if you came to pick up a girl (which seems pretty likely you did seeing as you are wearing JEANS) you aren't going to do it wearing those clothes.  Wanna know why?  Because you are wearing them to WORK OUT.  You *will stink afterward.  No amount of Drakkar Noir is gonna cover that.  What I see is a guy who thinks he can get away with wearing these clothes to work out, pick up a chick, NOT SHOWER, and go out and get him some.  Puh-lease!  Again, doesn't make you more attractive.  Doesn't make me wanna rip your clothes off.  Just makes me think you are a douchebag.

5. Mr. Muscley-who-goes-to-the-gym-like-its-his-job...The Situation, Pauly D and Ronnie called...they want their act back.  Great, workout, get your muscle on.  But for the love of all that is holy, STOP WITH THE TRIBAL TATTOOS!  I can spot a gorilla juicehead the minute I walk in the door.  He's wearing a sleeveless shirt. Baggy-ish pants, usually Adidas.  BRIGHT ass white tennis shoes.  Wristbands or gloves. Usually bald.  Standing in front of a mirror.  Watching himself. And at least one tribal tattoo that goes around the widest part of his bicep.  The diehards have multiple tribal tattoos...gag.  Tribal tattoos are NOT cool on your average white dude.  Its true.  Sorry to hurt your feeling Mr. Muscle. Just leave your arms blank...trust me.

Just a short list of what I noticed at the gym today.  I am sure there are more.  And I am sure that I will be back to share them with you all. 

Until next time,

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words #2

Daddy's Girl...<3

Lyrics 101 with Timmyy

Last night I was driving Timmy home from Rachel's and I was doing what I like to call "the typical Northern VA radio scan"...ya know the second you hear a snippet of a song you are compelled to change the station immediately lest that garbage get stuck in your head for all eternity...anyhow, back to the point.  So I was flipping thru radio stations on my presets.  I have Sirius so it was Hits 1, 90's on 9, The Pulse, BackSpin and Cosmo.  I get to the 90s station and pass it by and Timmy starts screaming...PUT IT BACK! So I did and the conversation goes as follows:

Timmy: That's my favorite song! Put it back!
Me: Seriously? You know this song?
Timmy: YES!
Me: ooooooooooh-kay! :::Changing song back:::
Timmy: Yeah this one!
My inner monologue: Seriously? How does my 4 year old know Whoomp! There it is? What TV show/movie did he see it on? And I seriously have to listen to this?
Timmy: :::singing along::::: Fruit Bearrrrrrrrrrrrrr Fruiiiiiiiiiiiiiit Bearrrrrrrrrrrrr
Me: What did you say?
Timmy: Fruuuuuiiiiiiiit Bearrrrrrrrrrrr
Me: The words to this song are Fruit Bear? Fruit Bear?
Timmy: YES!
Me: Ooooookkkkaaaaaayyyyy!


So there you have it...Whoomp there is it, you thought you knew....nope.  No you didn't.  Fruit Bear.  Fruit Bear.  Thanks Timmy for enlightening us!

Happy Birthday Sydney!

When I see your face...

...there's not a thing that I would change

...Cause you're amazing...

...Just the way you are!

And when she smiles....

...the whole world stops and stares for a while...

...Cause girl you're amazing...

JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!

Its Beiber-fever

Really? I just don't see the appeal...

I know you all have at least heard of him.  Justin Freaking Beiber.  He is everywhere these days.  My house has gone crazy with Beiber talk in the last week. 

My mom calls me the other day and is telling me about her day at work:

Mom: ...and this little girl Susie comes up to me and says "Mrs. Principe, Sally told Bobby I want to marry him!" and I told her whats wrong with being married, that *I* want to be married.  And Susie says "You can't..." and I guess she didn't want to say anything else, so I said "I'm going to get married.  I'm going to marry Justin Beiber!" and all the little girls started laughing and giggling.  And Susie says "You can't marry Justin Beiber!  You're a grandma!".  I wanted to explain to her what a cougar is, but I didn't think Catholic Elementary school was the place to do it.
Me: yeah good call on that Ma.

My mother ladies and gents...trying to educate the world on cougars, one kid at a time.

So then Wednesday, all three kids had doctor appts to get booster shots. So we were in the car talking about The Beibs and listening to them talk about him on Cosmo Radio Sirius 111 XM 162.  Nikolas and I am in deep Beiber discussion when from the backseat:

Timmy: "WHAT'S A BEIBER? MOM!  WHAT'S A BEIBER!"
Nikolas: He did NOT just ask that.
Me: He is a singer buddy.
Timmy: Oh ok.  Beiber Beiber Beiber Beiber....

Sigh.  I am read for this kids 15 minutes to be up.