A Little July 4 conversation...

Let me start by saying that I hope everyone had a magical 4th!  Its one of my favorite holidays, not just because its the anniversary of the day I met my hubby, but because I love everything it stands for.

I spent the day with my family...the kiddies, Taylor, Rachel, Colleen and Woody.  It was laid back, with more food than necessary and we stayed up way too late chatting outside. All in all, it was a fantastic day.

But, I know the real reason you came here...you wanna know what gem came out of the mouth of my child.  And I won't disappoint.  Yesterday AM, I was doing a little prep work in the kitchen with Timmy.  He was sitting on the counter while I made kool aid and pasta salad.  He is telling me a story about "his friends" aka the annoying kids down the block.

Timmy: ...then my friend, the boy, said we were gonna get be-rested.
Me: really?  be-rested?
Timmy: yup, he brought out some be-resting tools and said the cops would come and we would get be-rested.
Me: well, I'm pretty sure no one has ever gotten A-rrested cause they argued with their friends
Timmy: yeah!  the cops would come and take you to jail... (note to self: stop telling Timmy if he misbehaves in the car the cops will pull me over and arrest me and take me to jail and he'll have to wipe his own butt)
Me: I promise that won't happen Timmy.
Timmy: Mom, can people be-scape from jail? (this is where it gets interesting)
Me: Absolutely.  people escape from jail all the time...
Timmy: How? (I think perhaps he wanted tips for the future...)
Me: Wellllll, just say you got arrested and went to jail, and we wanted to help you escape...well then Nicky would do something to get sent to jail but first he would find the blueprints on how the jail was built and get them tattooed all over his body.  Then you would have a map that leads you right to safety.  Then of course you would have to go live far away, like Panama or something, so that the cops can't find you.  And your friends that broke out of jail with you would try to help you stay away from the cops but sometimes they will get caught and might tell on you.  Your girlfriend, who was a doctor in the prison, will follow you all around, cause she really loves you.  And eventually the cops will be on your side and you and your girlfriend will get married and live on a boat.
Timmy: Cops have boats mom....
Me: yeah but your boat will be faster...

I'll give you 10 bonus points for knowing where I came up with *that story to tell Timmy...

Oh yes, I spouted off the plotline to Prison Break.  I'm probably gonna win some kind of award for that....

Timmy and Taylor...

a transcript of the conversation that just took place between Taylor and Timmy...

Timmy: I'm gonna punch you in your baby!
Taylor: thats not nice!!!
Timmy: Farty Fart!
Taylor: what?!?
Timmy: you should name your baby that
Taylor: My. Baby.  Farty Fart Lanthier?
Timmy:  Bwahahahahaha yes
 Taylor: let's go to Rachel's
Timmy: Seriously?!?! I'm gonna punch you in your baby!
Taylor: I'm gonna crash the car and kill you.
Me: :::crying:::: Bwahahahahahahahahahaha

My new great niece or nephew...Farty Fart Lanthier, ladies and gents...<3 Watch out world...this kid is gonna rule the world!

Father's Day, Schmathers Day

Ya know, Father's Day is kinda pointless...this year anyhow.  My husband is gone off to be a dad to his soldiers and my own dad passed away years ago.  All my friends, who are dads themselves and are like dads to my kids are gone too.  So I am boycotting this year. Booooo on Fathers Day.

I am the dad this year.  Someone buy me a Fathers Day card.  After all, isn't it the dads job to teach the sons about penises?  Oh no, that's right, its my job.  The dad is supposed to teach the son about kissing girls, oh no, me again.

But then again, I can't be the one who after a long day at work, lays on the floor and lets the kids use me as a jungle gym.  And I'm not the one who comes home after work and has to find the kids hiding in the coat closet by singing "I like bread and butter, I like toast and jam..." and listening for the giggles.  I don't teach rock climbing.  I don't take pictures and develop them myself.  I don't help other countries learn to help themselves.  And I don't help everyone else before myself...ok, wait, I totally do *that lol.

So maybe I won't boycott.  April taught me "Don't hate, participate"...so I will.  Happy Fathers Day to my Dad, to my husband, to my friends.  And Happy Father's Day to my girlfriends... Taylor, Brianna, Brandi, Amy, Tam, Tina, Jana, Renee, Brittany, Beth, Shelley, Danielle...to all of you who hold it down for the kids while their dads away.  Happy Father's Day to my sister who was a dad and a mom to my favorite Katie.  Happy Father's Day to Rachel who is ABSOLUTELY not only my kids second mom, but also their dad too!  Happy Father's Day to my MIL who raised the BEST dad a girl could want as her baby daddy. <3  And happy Fathers Day to my mom who continues to show us all the ways our own dad shaped us.

I guess Father's Day isn't so bad afterall...

Happy Father's Day to my very own G.I. Jo <3

Timmy and the P word

As I have posted previously in this post, Timmy has become obsessed with the "P" word.  We talk about penises at least twice a day.  Sigh, I am hoping this ends soon as "MOM WANNA SEE MY PENIS" is not appropriate conversation for the pool, the dinner table, the grocery store...pretty much anywhere.

But today, today I got this gem...

Timmy: Mom, do I have a penis?
Me: Yes Timmy, but you already know that.
Timmy: Does Uncle Joe have a penis?
Me: yes Timmy, all boys have penises
Timmy: I don't think he knows
Me: who doesn't know what?
Timmy: Uncle Joe.  I don't think he knows he has a penis
Me: Uhhh I'm pretty sure he does.

Seriously?!? Sigh...this kid is slowly killing me.  Each day.  One little remark at a time.  I can hear my hair getting grey.

So after he was distracted by legos and cartoon for about 5 minutes, he comes into the bathroom where I was getting ready to head out.

Timmy: :::singing to himself:::: I drank a 12 pack of beer with my dad....
Me: :::watching in the mirror SHOCKED::::
Timmy: ::Still singing:::: Beer beer beer beer beer beer.  I don't remember how much a drank...
Me: TIMMY!  Where did you learn that song???
Timmy: On your computer mom
Me: NIKOLAS ADAM JOHANSSON!!!!!!

My 4 year old... ladies and gents..."I drank a 12 pack of beer with my dad...." Its sooo funny, and so inappropriate at the same time.  I managed to not laugh until I texted Tim A. to tell him.  I figured he, of all people, would appreciate it. 

And in our last bit of news, Puppy has run away.  We last saw him last Friday the 10th? in our van and he is NO WHERE to be found.  We looked in the usual hiding spots, but all we can figure is that he fell out of the van somewhere and is gone.  I have looked high and low for a replacement puppy with no luck.  So today, the mail comes and Timmy comes in with a package

Timmy: MOM!  Its a package for me!  It has the letter T on it!
Me: Ok let me check

And sure enough, it was a package from Grandma addressed to Timmy Johansson (good reading skills Timmy!).  Inside was a new puppy and some "puppy food" aka candy, fruit snacks and animal crackers.  Timmy named his new doggie Spartacus, after the husky that Taylor was dog sitting.  He is really happy with his new puppy.

Spartacus is my best friend....

And on that note, I am going to bed...good night.  And a very good morning to my desert friends...Happy Fathers Day guys!  We miss you!

I kid you not...

Really?  Really really?

Me: Timmy, where is your brother, tell him to come down here
Timmy: He can't.  He's taking a dump.
Me: :::looks at Rachel::::
Rachel:  :::wide eyes:::: hahahahahaha
Me: :::snort::::: Bwahahahahaha

Yes, this just really took place at my house.  Sigh.  I'm running away.

Time to discuss the news with Nikolas

Yesterday afternoon, I was watching the Today Show I had TiVo'd in the morning (it was Meredith's last day and I wanted to see lol).  So I was fast forwarding through parts, one being the news headlines segment and Nikolas was like "Why do you keep fast forwarding?", so I stopped and watched.  Bad idea.  This is the conversation that took place...

Ann Curry:  blah blah blah Anthony Weiner...
Nik: WEINER! HAHAHAHAH
Me: :::innocent face:::: whats so funny about that?
Nik: His. Name. Is. Weiner.
Me: And?
Nik: His name is Weiner and he was sending pictures of his weiner on Twitter!
Me: :::trying to keep a straight face::::
Nik: Weiner.  Hahahaha...Weiner.  I wonder what his mom and dad's names are?
Me: His mom?  her name is Anita...
Nik: Anita.  Anita Weiner.  OH MY GOD!  Bwahahaha
Me: I think they said his dad's name is Harry...
Nik: Harry Weiner! :::tears pouring out of his eyes::::
Me: I was kidding...
Nik: Anita and Harry Weiner....
Me: :::laughing:::
Nik: Really?
Me: NO!  I was kidding...I said that.
Nik: that would be AWESOME if it was true.

So let's all hope this Anthony Weiner stuff goes away...I am tired of Weiner ;-)

Yup its time to discuss private parts

I have 2 posts for today...since as it was pointed out to me, I have been seriously slacking in the blog department.  (Ahem, Maggie...)  So let's jump in shall weeeeeeeeee...

Last night, after our fun day at the Spalsh Pad, Timmy and Sissy needed baths.  So Timmy got in, bathed, let the water out, then I put Syd in.  Timmy comes running in, please please please can I get back in the tub.  Ok, whatever dude...  The following conversation took place.

Me: Timmy keep your hands to your self (he was trying to wash Sydneys tummy)
Timmy:Why?
Me: Cause you aren't aloowed to touch girls until you are married.
Timmy: I am married.
Me: Oh reallllllllllly? To who?
Timmy: Maddie.
Me: Oh yeah?
Timmy: yes, so I can touch her.
Me: I'm pretty sure Mr. Tony will chop off your fingers but ok...
Timmy: Mom, where is Sissy's penis? (yes he said penis, not e e)
Me: :::wide eyes::: What?
Timmy: Sissys penis.  Where. Is. It?
Me: well, girls privates are on the inside and boys are on the outside.
Timmy: here is MY penis!
Me: yes, yes, that is your penis
Timmy: oh.  Where is Sissy's brain?
Me: ::eye roll:: in her head silly
Timmy: where is my brain?

And I couldn't answer...I wanted to point to his penis and say "in there, like every other man on the planet" but I didn't. I eventually composed myself and said "inside that big ole head of yours!"

And the whole time, Nik is standing outside the bathroom door cracking up.  Way to help out there Nikolas!  Sigh...is this a sign of my future?  Penis conversations with Timmy? Its times like last night that I wish Sydney could talk...I would have loved to know what she was thinking lol

Hope everyone has a magical day....